I know I'm supposed to expect this. I should be getting used to it. But sometimes it hits so hard, so bad. It's like I suddenly stop breathing and go blank. Like my heart is contained inside this cold metal fist that squeezes harder and harder until there's nothing but the pain. I'm supposed to accept it, let it go and move on. I can't. Every time, every bloody time this happens, I'm back to square one. The panic, the scrambled brain, the fear that no-things-will-never-be-okay... I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to accept or let it go or move on. How am I supposed to do that?