Monday, January 21, 2013

A Little Bit of Happy, God?

3 years ago, I lived somewhere else. We had this family living in the flat above ours. They had an 8 year old who spoke only Pashto (except when swearing), randomly came into our homes and started wandering around.

Today, this boy died of cancer. I can't even begin to know what to feel. I knew this kid. I had weird conversations with him; me talking in Urdu and laughing when he'd yell back in Pashto.  I'm shocked, yeah. Grief is a given: such a young child who died. I don't know what to write here, I don't know how to explain this whole jumbled up, brightly colored, painful ball of grief and dread and shock and despair in my head. I just need to talk to you, whoever is reading this, whoever is listening. I don't care who you are, I just need you to listen.

And God? I'm still waiting for that little bit of happy I hope I'm going to get. A tiny sign of 'it's all going to be okay' because I desperately need to believe in it.


Ridx said...

I can feel you.

I am listening. :)

Lioness Without A Pride said...

*hugs tightly*
Death is a strange thing. Until it happens, you're thinking "Meh, just another person/animal in a world overflowing with people and animals, it'll make no difference if anybody dies, in the bigger scheme of things" and then you realise, you care about everything. And everyone. We're human, we're wired to care. Even if it will be wiped out of us as we get more acquainted with the world outside. Even if we'll be made to suppress our ingrained reactions to people, and things. But caring is never wrong.

May the little one rest in peace.

And you, you talk to me whenever, however, wherever you want, acha? I'm not just saying this. I'll always listen. I might not have much comfort to give, but I will always listen. My love always, M.

Maryam said...


Winter Song said...

I am sorry. Losing people/loved ones is always like being punched in the gut,over and over again. But it's even harder when it's someone too young to die.
Hugs. Take care of yourself.

aiman qasim said...

oh i feel so sorry for ure loss.nothing is more heartbreaking than the departure of a child.that too of one u knew or cared abt.i know the grief must be terrible.i lost a brother and a sister at a very young age so i know how it is :(i am not much of a consoler just tc and try to accept it as a will of God.surely the poor child is in a better place.

Nasir Nawaaz said...

Hi. I'm not sure what made me comment here or how my comment even matters. But it just felt like the right thing to do.

Take care,

Maryam said...

Ridx: =)

LWAP: I love you.

Maryam: Thanks! *hugs back*

Winter Song: Thank you for commenting =)

Aiman: I'm very sorry for your loss.

Nasir: Every comment matters =)