Saturday, December 10, 2011

Mehman Bhagwaan Hai. O Rly?

Mom: JALDI KARO, THEY'RE ALMOST HERE.

*Maryam in phattay puranay ghaleez ganday kapray hunched in front of the laptop*: Acha jee, mama.

1.45678 seconds later

Mom: MONA. Uth jao. *scary glare*

I run upstairs and put on whatever is clean and/or ironed. Nothing can be done about my zombie-like face with dark circles down to my nose. So.

*guests pile in, big smiles all around, smelly tight hugs that make me want to run the hell away*

"BETAAAAAA KAISI HO?"

"Jee, theek hun aunty, thank you. Aap kaisi hain?"

*ignores and goes off to greet my younger sister (Sid)*

"KAISI HO SID BETI?"

*polite smile* "Theek hun, aunty."

"TUMHARI BEHN KAISI HAI BETA?"

Me: cbnji873ryu0932imnx,m ??!!!!

*Sid struggling to control her laughter* "Wo bhi theek hai."

"WO KYA KAR RAHI HAI AJ KAL BETAAA?"

Me: I'm standing right here. Mujh se puch lein.

Sid: Jee wo... M.S. kar rahi hai.

"KYA BETA? MSC?"

Me: AUNTY M.PHIL KAR RAI HUN, M.PHIL.

"HAYE ALLAH LARKI, SHADI NAHI KARNI?! ITNA PARH KE SARI UMAR GUZAAR DI HAI, KITNE SAAL KI HO GAYEE HO? BUS KAR DO AB, APNE MAA BAAP KA KHAYAL KARO."

Me: ...

"DOOB MARNAY KA MUQAAM HAI."

Me: Sahi keh rai hain. 18 saal parh ke zaya ki maa baap ki mehnat. Tch. Kya socha tha meine.

*aunty turns to mom and starts counseling about how munnday won't marry a girl jiss ke chehray se noor utar jaye*

Me: Maar de mujhe goli. Waqai doob marnay ka muqaam hai.

I'm very socially awkward when it comes to our 'baraadri'. Well, not socially awkward as such. More like... "badtameez, munh phatt, besharam, loud".

My mom is the exact opposite. Haha. Its kind of funny when people expect me to be like her and I'm so... not. =P

I do not like aunties -.-

12 comments:

mehreenkasana said...

OH HO HO HO HO. Nakhray na kar ziada. Chai le ka aa.

Maryam said...

I make ozzum chai. Wo auntiyon ko pasand ati hai =P

mehreenkasana said...

Jald mangni hogi aap ki.

Maryam said...

-.-
Shia boyzez extinct ho gaye hain. Meri mangni nahi ho sakti, lulz.

Daniyal Arain said...

Chai mein zehr dal do.

AcetylCholine said...

Kanwari mareygi tu!

Eirene said...

Hahahaha :D
BUT...what's worse is your newly married friend trying to set you up. trust me -_-

Roshni said...

Yaar..that's our society not just a specific "baraadari" or caste.... *sighs* ..I hope she heard your reply loud and clear. :P

The Blue Periwinkle said...

Ah! Me too, like Toh-tal-lee!! :O
Those aunties, I tell ya!

The Me. said...

Itni amusing hoti hain aunties. <3

Maryam A. said...

Tou kerlo na shaadi ... kisi say. <3

Aamir said...

sunni boyzez to extinct nahi huay na!!!!!