Tuesday, June 16, 2009

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I'm tired. Of everything. For the past few months, its as if I'm living someone else's life. This emo, weird, dissatisfied feeling did not exist in my life and now its all there is. And not just with me. For some reason, almost every person in my immediate family is... unhappy in some way. Being strong, constantly wiping away tears and consoling everyone and just being there for them... Its eating away at me now. I'm exhausted, I really am. I do not cry easily. I never have. I'm very emotional, yes, but I rarely cry. And these days... you know when everything just grows and grows and grows inside you and you have to let it out or you feel like you'll burst... I feel like that. Every single second, of every single day. I. Need. To. Let. This. Out. Blogging doesn't really help, but its the only way I have right now. I'm teetering at the edge right now. Of a very dangerous edge.



Someone tell me something happy.

14 comments:

Sidra said...

You'll get to watch GG season 2 very soon?

Ubaid said...

blogging does help, you are just not using it in the way it should help, its your place to express so why do you prefer holding your emotions? If you just write it out it actually would help, but you prefer writing things which would maintain your image seriously dude, farq nahi perta...

and you know what crying isn't bad either, it won't make you look weak....

and happy, aaaaaaaa.... ohhhhhhhh..... eeeeeeee.... oh haan i have a good one 2 din sey light nahi gayee, and the weather is pretty awesome too :d (yeah i know it didn't help)

Lonely Perverted Soul said...

Man i wish i was a happy person right now so i could tell you something to make you feel better...
Hopefully things will get better... :P
I dont know when.. I dont how.. But it will.. it should...
You can only make yourself happy or if ur lucky u can find a person who can make u happy....

Maryam said...

Sid, YAY. Thank you.

Ubaid, excuse me. I don't know why you always say something that I do not agree with, but it happens every time. WRITING does not help me. Blogging... to some extent. I can't WRITE stuff out and hope to feel better, I'd rather just talk to myself. I do NOT prefer holding my emotions. I'm not stupid. I cannot let them out. There's a difference. And I seriously resent your statement "you prefer writing things which would maintain your image". Absolutely untrue. I have never pretended, and I don't intend to start to. Excuse my language, but I don't give a flying fuck about this so-called 'image' of mine. How I write is how I am. Enough said.

Lonely, I'm very lucky =)

Lonely Perverted Soul said...

So that means you have someone... :P
Good if your lucky.....
And dont worry exams bhi ho jayein gae... All these feelings mostly come up during exams...
Btw aaj ka kaisa hua?

Marina said...

Hm. Papers finishing, ayashi upcoming, you coming to Isb, Neeli-you-me-fun? And ummm...I wuv you? =D

Ali said...

gg == gilmore girls or gossip girl?

btw i kinda agree with ubaid, you are a nice little girl but u have that acerbic touch :(

Maryam said...

I'm rude. And sarcastic. Too much nice-ness gets to me.

=)

Ubaid said...

Its because everybody has their own opinion, i have my own, and you also do have an opion of yours, writing helps me, if it doesn't helps you that happens coz again me is me you is you. well for me my blog is like talking to my self... Not saying out your emotions out and holding them is kinda same, ain't it :s

Yes i said this "you prefer writing things which would maintain your image". And i would say it again, yes you do such a thing, and i think my style of saying it is wrong, but you do such a thing i am not saying you pretend or anything, whatever writen over here is completely true i can't recally my self calling you a liar or pretender... its just that you don't show the other side of you to the bloggosphere, you show the tough, kinda rude side of yours over here, but in real you have a soft side as well, which you prefer to keep within, like do you remember the DESPERATE wali post, when you were saying you need anyone to talk and stuff, you deleted that naah!! all that am saying is you just show a part of you over here not the complete you...

And if saying that too much nice-ness gets to me, includes me, i just have to say, I am like this and i prefer not to change!

AND am sorry if i sounded rude! Or said something which would hurt! I never intended to!

fahimakhter said...

I say this a million times a day now, LIFE SUCKS!

Just know that and that you can't do anything about it. The sooner you realize it the more satisfying it will be.

Maryam said...

"...like do you remember the DESPERATE wali post, when you were saying you need anyone to talk and stuff, you deleted that naah!"

Yes, I remember. Because at that time, I did. I've never hidden my soft side Ubaid, and the fact that you say I have one just proves it. I am tough. I am rude. I am soft, sometimes too much. But I've never hidden that. I deleted that post because that's not me. That was a one-time thing and I knew while writing it that I'd delete it later. Because THAT felt pretentious to me. I do not prefer hiding my soft side. Everyone knows I have one. Which means I'm right when I say that.

Yes, you have a right to your own opinion. But I can debate and take offense when its directed towards me or my personality.

The nice-ness comment wasn't directed towards you. And if you still think that I only reveal a part of myself over my blog then I'll say that I have no reason to fully expose myself here. Why should I?

Ubaid said...

True, yes you are indeed right, and this time i won't debate coz i don't think there is anything left to debate on, peace pls....

Holyzatanxgirl said...

Hullo! =D My happy thought.. I made it through the week. And I have been watching the clock. Literally watching the hands. Living by the minutes. And now I am glad that it is Sunday tomorrow. I can finally focus on me. Relax. Sleep. And then get ready to do it all over again. And if this comment gets published.. I want a chocolate fudge brownie.

Maryam said...

FINALLY!!!!! YAYYY!! HI!!

Lol.