Jalebiz.

I want a month off. No, two months.

I'm really into contemporary fiction these days, some recommendations will make me very happeh, thenkx.

I've notissed I write almost everything the way it shouldn't be written (i.e. 'notissed', 'happeh', 'thenkx').

Angreji kharaab ho jaye gi aisay.

This wasn't what I wanted to post. I completely forgot what I wanted to write here. That happens a lot. My completely forgetting stuff 3-6 seconds after I think it. Okay, now I know my English is failing.

Aaj Vanilla coffee bilkul mazay ki nai thi.

I have a lot of 'ainwaen' posts.

This Was Way Overdue.

Alright, Twitter just leaves me wanting more than 140 characters to whine.

I'm studying Psychology. I've studied and practice both Clinical and Counseling. That does not give you an open ticket to come to me about whatever you think is a huge problem and start whining.

Okay, that sounds mean. Let me explain. I will listen to your problems. I don't mind. I will also listen to your whining, your incessant "why mes'" and crying. I will also comfort you and offer suggestions that I think may help.
I do not mind. What I DO mind is you being a fucking drama queen. You KNOW you have no serious problems. You KNOW I'm tired, I go through hell at the hospital everyday and you still want 'me time' with me. Tell me just fucking why should I give it to you?

Do you listen to me? No. Do you ask me how I feel? No. Where do I whine? Or wait, am I not allowed to? Seeing as how I'm so 'calm' and 'understanding' and 'wise'? Well, fuck this. I need someone to be MY COUNSELOR. Okay? I want to be selfish sometimes. Sometimes I am just NOT IN THE MOOD for your pseudo depressive stories. You want to know what real depression, real problems are? I can tell you. In great detail. THEY'RE MY PATIENTS.

I want you. To be my friend. And treat me. Like your friend.

Not as a counselor.
Not as a doctor.
Not as a psychologist.

Please. I fucking need to just breathe sometimes and forget for a little while the misery that I see every single day. I don't need you to emotionally drain me, because my profession/ study whatever you want to call it is doing that already. Very effectively. I just don't have anything to give sometimes, you know? I need you to understand. That I can't be all understanding and wise and helpful and nice all the fucking time. I can't. Stop expecting me to be this perfect Mother Teresa and for God's sake this does not mean that you stop talking to me about your problems altogether. I know quite a few people who will take this personally and be offended. I can't do anything about that but for once in both our lives...

THIS IS ABOUT ME. ME. NOT YOU.

Give me some space, sometimes. That's all I need.

Bubble Wrap.

People who say HTC Explorer is a fazool phone can go suck it. I love my phone. Even though now I'm officially bankrupt. But anyway.

I have my 3rd semester viva tomorrow. Then I'll just have the absolute last semester left. In which I have my thesis, placement, case reports, portfolio, plus regular classes and assignments and presentations and quizzes. Get the picture? Nai? I'll send you one soon.

Its funny, I posted every random thing (sometimes thrice) when I was in Honors and now that I've been through the scariest, hardest, cruelest, most stressful one and a half year of my life... I barely wrote anything. I was too busy yes, but still. Lol. I just want a lot of attenshunz and sympathy.

I told my teacher (when she rejected my report yet again) that they expect perfection which is just NOT. POSSIBLE.

Her response: "Hum tum logon ko susraal ki training de rahay hain."

I mean.... Acha. Okay. Baki baad mein sahi.

Hope the 3 people who read this blog are good. 

Its A Happy Day.

Which started with both Mom and I crying. Lawwl. Not going there, saansitive topic for now.

But anyway. Even though I had a horrible exam yesterday which went horribly and have a horrible one again tomorrow...

I. Am. Determined. That this is going to be a happy day. I'll make sure of it. See, its kind of like my own jaahilaana (asstremely stupid) experiment type thing cheez kind of. I'm going to do my best to make this day legend-WAIT FOR IT-DARY. No Shreej, I won't write 'dairy'.

Then we'll see. If I succeed or not. I will post...I will. Okay bye now.

SD.

Finding new and varied ways to self destruct.

Oh, yeah.

Class of 2010.

We had our convocation yesterday. 20th Jan is a day I will never in my life forget. The new V.C. went all out for the celebration and hosted an amazing lunch. I swear to God, I had never felt this happy or proud of my university in the past 7 years as much as I did yesterday.

See, when I was in my previous university things were a little like this:

Random Aunty
"Beta school kaunsa tha?"

"LGS".

"HAYE MASHALLAH. O LAVAL?"

"Nahi aunty, matric kia hai".

*opinion of me sinks a little*

Disappointed smile "Oh. Acha. Uss ke baad to A LAVAL kiya ho ga na?"

"Jee nai aunty, Inter kia tha".

*opinion sinks even lower*

"Inter? Tch tch tch... KC se beta?"

Here we go. "LC se aunty".

*jaw drops, eyes bulge, horrified stare ensues*

"Ab LUMS mein ho? LSE? KC? etc etc" hopeful smile

"NAHI AUNTY ABHI BHI LAHORE KAALIJ FAR VEEMIN UNIVERSITY MEIN HUN".

She refuses to talk to me after that. Since I was now equal to the dirt beneath her feet. Mehehe.

On a more serious note, yeah we were sometimes embarrassed about where we came from because things actually were that bad there. I will never in my life say that the 6 years I spent in LC were good. There were good moments, yes but those were few and far between.





But the send off we got... I shall always remember this day. One of the best-est of best days. Isi khushi mein I shall upload a picture.

Please ignore that I look about 150 KG here. I swear I'm not actually that fat =P

Yay. 

OH MY GOD THIS IS

So now that I've got your attention, like this please. Sister needs votes.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150492229197648&set=a.10150492228477648.376459.279730212647&type=1&ref=nf

This whole thing (blog post) was her idea, FYI. GO LIKE THENX. 

W.

Sometimes there is just no limit to how blind and stupid you can get.

You spend your life thinking one thing and then something happens that throws you off track so bad, your eyes tear, your blood slows, you fall down and scrape your knees and the cracks and sores take years to heal.

And then it scabs over and hardens into something bitter and sad and then you spend every moment regretting what happened and why.

Time heals all wounds? I have yet to experience that. 

Sometimes Forwarded Texts Don't Suck.

Do you know, that the people who seem the strongest are usually the most sensitive?

Do you know, the people who exhibit the most kindness are usually the first to get mistreated?

Do you know, those who take care of others all the time are usually the ones who need it the most?

Do you know, the hardest 3 things to say are:

I love you

I'm sorry

Help me.

Be kind to everyone you meet as you may never know who is fighting what battle, and when. 

Youth Punjab.

60% walon ke naam hain wahan.

Aur mera nahi hai.

Vut unfairnezz.

-There is no other Maryam Reza in GCU. Spashul feelings.

O_O

Kitne emo posts hain meray. If I were you, I'd un-follow me.

NO WAIT LOL JK WALI BAAT THI STAY HERE.

Dem.

Placement Semester III.

Finally came to an end. The weirdest semester I think. The kids were totally normal and beyond study problems + time management issues there was honestly nothing else wrong with them. Which is good for them, bad for us =P

Except for a few rare cases.

But all in all, this placement was much more relaxed than the previous ones. Plus, I got to know A LOT about government schools; which I never would have known otherwise. Honestly, all those who study in these schools and go on to higher education have my deepest respect. Its not easy.

I hated the teachers there. Heartless and cruel.
Some kids were beyond irritating (sadly, most were girls).
Some were amazing (I had pretty awesome boys). 

9:54

There's a friend of mine who needs a lot of prayers and good wishes.

Names aren't important here, lets just say she needs the support and all the prayers that anyone can send her way.

Make sure you put in a tiny request to God as soon as you read this.

Thanks <3

12/24/2011.

There is a negative filter permanently fixed in my mind.

How ironic that I have to teach positive thinking to school children.

Hypocrisy, thy name is Psychology.

Its Impossible, Sometimes.

When do you decide that this is where you draw the line?

Where's the border between being a counselor and being a personal friend?

How do you know when you've done enough?

How do you decide that you can't go further?

How do you stop yourself from trying?

They all tell us that there comes a point when you just can't do any more for your client. No matter how much you want to. They tell us that we can't help everyone. That there's a full stop here somewhere.

What they don't tell is how. How do you do all that?

How do you hold yourself back from thinking that maybe, maybe, just this time.. You can help a little more.